AFI 98 - Yankee Doodle Dandy

So far, this movie watching experiment (watching the AFI top 100 in reverse order) has not really gone my way.  I've watched three movies.  Two oldies and one contemporary film, and both of the old ones have been poopy.

Before you start to think that maybe I just don't like old movies, let me be clear: I like movies, period.  I like what I like and I don't like what I don't like, regardless of era.  Duh.

Soooo, in case you were just skimming that first paragraph, let me be clear.  Yankee Doodle Dandy is awful.

I'll be brief because I don't want to think about this movie for another second.

(deep breath)

Yankee Doodle Dandy is a shallow, racist, pathetically jingoistic musical that stars a guy who can't sing.

Hey!  Is that the Cohan Family, including two children, in blackface?  It sure is!  Take a bow Warner Bros.!

This movie stinks.  Don't watch it.  Don't support it.  Shame on you, AFI, and anyone else who thinks that it's okay to elevate this kind of dreck.  Boo.  Hiss.

Why I hate people no. 1285

For those of you who don't know, I work at an airport.

And for those of you who don't know much about airports, they are federally regulated operations that enable people to use airplanes to fly to different locales.

And of those of you that don't know much about federally regulated airports, they are (especially after 9/11) really not at all cool with chicnaery and nonsense and horseplay.

So I work at an airport and I don't make waves. This seems logical to me.  Unfortunatley, some other idiots that work at this airport think that wave-making is cool.

Enter the Douche Bros.  Actual brothers who work for one of the rental car agencies (not the one I work at, thank my lucky stars) and who I shall refer to as Massengil (the older bro) and Summers Eve (the younger bro).

Summers Eve is a dullard.  A needy, incompotent boob.  He will do the stupidest things and tell the most unflattering of lies in an attempt to receive attention.

Massengil is an ex-con.  A thief and a liar, he is one of the most self-absorbed wretches I have ever met, yet he has no sense of self.  Chew on that.

Needless to say, I really don't like the bros and I wish they would die in a rusty wood chipper.

So.

Last week this happened: Massengil has a tire.  I don't know whose tire it was or from whence it came but he rolled it out into the middle of a driving lane of the parking lot and rested it on the ground.  I know this because I wanted to drive a car through the driving lane, but I was blocked by them and their tire.

Summers Eve, in a moment of extreme riduculousness, hit the tire with a claw hammer.  Unsurprisingly, the hammer bounced off the tire and the claw gouged his forehead.

Massengil thought this was a hoot and a holler, but he was not entertained enough, I suppose, because he proceeded to light the tire on fire.  In the middle of a driving lane.  On federal property.

I ususally am not the narc guy.  But I have had my fill of these social and intellectual retards that I told my boss so he can take it up with the feds.  Who, by the way, have cameras all over the parking lot.  I'm not a fan of Big Brother, but right now I'm willing to waive that opinion.

I suppose it's too much to ask that they go to prison forever.  But a man can dream can't he?

Argh. Ack. My valve!

A brief message to both of my readers:

After a summer/fall long bout with some unwanted health issues, I'm on the mend and ready to write again.

Soon I will return to my mediocre musings that in another age, would wrap your fish or line your catbox.

Have a lovely day,
the Layabout

AFI 99 - Toy Story

After viewing Ben Hur at number 100 and not really liking it, number ninety-nine, Toy Story, was a breath of fresh air.  Whereas Ben Hur was overlong, mediocre, and took itself waaay too seriously, Toy Story is a briskly paced, fun and, well, good movie.

I had forgotten how much Toy Story was a game changer for animated films.  Up until its release probably the most talked about computer animation scene was the ballroom dance scene from Disney's Beauty and the Beast.

And to be quite honest, upon re-watching this for the first time in a bazillion years, I could barely care about the dancing/computer animation part, but Angela Lansbury's voice gave me goosebumps.  I love that woman so very much.

So I watched Toy Story for the first time in ages and it holds up quite well.  Still really enjoyed it after all these years.  Except for one thing, but we'll get to that later.

This film is a delight.  Groundbreaking?  Sure.  Clever?  Absolutely.  But what resonates the most is just how much fun it is.  I'm a bitter cynic and I still can appreciate how much love and enjoyment this movie brings.  The toys are a family to each other and to Andy, their owner.  They've got each other's backs.  They take care of each other.  All is well.

But suddenly, during Andy's birthday party, a new toy arrives to upset the balance of the house and the toys.  Buzz Lightyear (probably Tim Allen's best role outside of Galaxy Quest) arrives and captivates Andy and the masses.  Except for Woody (Tom Hanks' best role since Bosom Buddies.  I mean seriously, has this guy ever made anything good?) who is displaced as the leader of the toys and as Andy's favorite toy.  So Woody gets bitter, Buzz is  a falsely entitled dick, and hilarity ensues.  The toys ultimately thwart the film's villain, next door neighbor Sid, a toy maimer.  Maimist?  Guy who maims toys?  Yeah, he maims toys.

Along the way Woody and Buzz take a journey of self-discovery and become friends which is good because there are two sequels that are quite good.  This isn't just an excellent cartoon, it's an excellent film.  Honestly I would put it higher on the AFI list, but that's just me.

Okay.  Now the thing that nearly ruins this movie for me.  When humans are around, the toys are passive.  They let the kids/dog/baby/whomever do as they please and they don't react because they're toys and the humans aren't to know that they are sentient creatures.  When the humans are not around the toys are active and have lives chock full of feelings and desires (looking at you skanky Bo Peep) and dreams.  So when Buzz shows up and doesn't believe he's a toy because he believes he's THE Buzz Lightyear and he's crash landed on this planet and doesn't find out until later that he is, in fact, a toy, changing him from entitled dick to self destructive suicide contemplater (I mean, this guys mood swings are violent and lightning fast) it changes the dynamic of the movie.  There are some excellent storytelling mechanisms in play here and they are well crafted and well executed...except.  *sigh*  So Buzz shows up and he believes he's not a toy, right?  So why does he do the passive toy thing when the humans are around?  Why does he behave like a toy when he doesn't think he is one?  Gaping flaw in the logic of this particular world.  It is what, to me, keeps this movie from being a complete classic.  It's what makes this a four-stars instead of five kind of movie.  It's what makes it a B+ instead of an A.  Am I being too harsh?  Dunno.  It's just how I feel.

To sum up.  If, unlike me, you can ignore the Buzz doesn't think he's a toy but he's going to behave like one problem, this is a classic film.  If, like me, you cannot ignore that flaw, then it is a great film.  Either way, it's worth watching.  So there.

AFI 100 - Ben Hur

From the In Case You Missed It department...

I am going to watch the AFI Top 100 films from 100 to 1 and review (a term I use loosely) each and every one of them.  After I decided to do this, I requested Ben Hur (number 100) from Netflix.  They said I had a short wait.  Then the short wait devolved into a long wait, then back to a short wait, and finally I got the Blu Ray.  It only took three months.  That'll teach me to request Christian movies around Easter time.

So here's the thing.  Ben Hur is weird.  And tedious.  And glorious.  And boring.  And fascinating.

Released in 1959 and... hang on a sec.  1959?!  I was minus eleven years old when this came out!  Ugh.  Anyway, it stars Charlton Heston and a bunch of other people who dress in bed sheets, have no electricity, and are constantly surrounded by matte paintings.  Before the movie even starts however, there's five minutes of an overture.  Snooooze.  Like before we even see the MGM lion logo.  And when the lion shows up, he just stares into space.  THE MGM LION DOES NOT ROAR.

The movie is billed as Ben Hur: A Tale of the Christ.  Strangely, Christ is rarely depicted in this overlong film.  When he does show, it's from the back, or from a distance with a shadow (the only shadow in the shot) over his face, or (my favorite) only his hands are shown.  When this happened it reminded me of the Seinfeld 'Man Hands' episode because I will always be thirteen years old.

And this film really showcases the problems Hollywood had in casting people of ethnicity.  Midwesterner WASP Heston plays Judah Ben Hur, a Jewish prince.  I suppose it's still better than when Heston played Mike Vargas, a Mexican, in 1958's A Touch of Evil.

Probably the most heinous example of White Guy Portraying a Person of Color is this:

Welsh born actor Hugh Griffith playing Sheik Ilderim...

whose brown makeup changed shade from scene to scene.  A Middle Eastern actress was, shockingly, cast to play (gasp!) a non-white person, Esther.  Palestinian born Hara Harareet, plays Heston's girlfriend and Hollywood made darn sure that she's a light-skinned Palestinian so that she's as non-threatening as possible.

Anyhoo, Ben Hur rambled this way, then ambled that way, then took a nap under a fig tree, then, hey it's time for the signature moment, the great chariot race!  Except it was kinda not exciting.  As set pieces go, I've rarely seen a more ambitious piece, but I just gotta say, meh.  Sure there was some drama, sure there were some awesome stunts, but the editing was like that helium balloon from that party that has lost most of its buoyancy and is now drifting behind my couch: back then it was nice, but today, mostly limp.  And, AND!, they did the thing I hate most about older movies when they're trying to convey urgency, THEY SPED UP THE FILM!  Like we wouldn't notice or something.  Blegh.

So.  Before I spend more time blathering about this movie than it took me to watch it, I will sum up and move on.  I did not dislike Ben Hur, but I didn't like it either.  It's pretty to look at, but it's too long.  There are some nice dramatic moments, but they're overshadowed by lots of posing and orating.  Some very well done acting is undone by egregious overacting.  I got tired of smug people being on my TV screen.

Simply put, there was not enough good to outweigh the bad.

In my humble yet stupid opinion, this is not the 100th best movie ever made.  If this film is a harbinger of what I'm getting myself into, I may have to fall on my sword long before I ever reach Citizen Kane at number one.

Next up: AFI 99 Toy Story

Waiting For Ben Hur IV

Hi kids.

Just got an email telling me that Ben Hur has been mailed!  Woohoo!  Soon I will begin my much delayed plan of watching the AFI Top 100 Films.  But until that happens, I will regale you with mediocre reviews (synopses? blather?) of what I've been watching in the meantime.

Watched the first two seasons of Justice League.  As a comic book nerd, these are right up my alley.  Dig 'em.  I am frustrated with Netflix for only having the first two seasons.  Gimme the other three!  (to be fair, I have to assume that this is not Netflix's problem but Warner Bros.  Seasons 3-5 aren't available for streaming (legally) anywhere I can find them.) That being said, these are pretty good.  I'm more of a Marvel than DC guy, but I still like these quite a bit.

Binge watched Hemlock Grove on Netflix.  Zzzzzzzz.  This is the worst thing I can imagine.  Let me explain.  There are three kinds of movies (or TV, but for the sake of simplicity, we'll call everything I'm talking about here 'movies'.) There's the good kind; I don't really feel the need to elaborate.  Good is good.  Good is worth watching.  Then there's the bad kind.  Some bad movies are just, well, bad.  They're not worth watching.  But some bad movies are good in a I-can't-believe-this-crap kind of way.  Others are fun to give the MST3K treatment.  But some movies are mediocre.  This, to me, is the biggest sin filmmakers can foist upon the public.  Mediocre is not good enough to be good, not bad-bad enough to just turn off and scrub from your memory, and not bad-good enough to enjoy for their badness.  Mediocre delivers just enough quality to give you hope and then they suck just bad enough to never deliver.  Hemlock Grove was mediocre.

Drive.  I've seen this one before, but I wanted to show it to a friend of mine, so watched it again.  Love it.  Five stars.  This is quality film making.  The confidence of direction to let the silences speak volumes.  Living, breathing characters who are complicated and conflicted.  Wonderful, intimate moments shattered by hyper-violence.  This movie is not for everybody, but I find it to be top shelf.  Outstanding cinema all around.

Moonrise Kingdom.  I an a Wes Anderson fan. Saw Rushmore at the dollar theater and was blown away.  I went again.  I dragged several friends to it.  I saw it there five times.  It, I thought, perfectly captured the angsty disaster that is the unrequited love of an adolescent.  And the unrequited love of a grown man who was still an adolescent.  And the feud between the adolescents.  All of this set to a cracking soundtrack.  I've been an Anderson supporter ever since.  So as I'm watching Moonrise Kingdom, I realize, at about thirty minutes into it, that I'm not connecting with these kids, Sam and Suzy, at all.  I was digging the adult roles (how can you not dig Ed Norton, Bruce Willis, Bill Murray and Frances McDormand) but Sam and Suzy were leaving me cold.  I guess I was struggling with the 'why are they behaving this way' stuff.  Was this film a misstep?   Had I lost my connection to Anderson's works?  Oh, the horror.   Then, THEN, it is revealed that Sam and Suzy are both broken, angry, disillusioned malcontents, and suddenly it all made sense.  I love how Anderson addresses important and powerful human emotions with a sense of tenderness and whimsy while still driving home his point.  This movie is really really good.  So there.

Looper is smart, inventive Sci-Fi.  Joseph Gordon-Levitt is awesome (despite some awkward and unfortunate  makeup), Bruce Willis is always good when he wants to be and here he wants to be, Emily Blunt was spot on as the emotional achor, struggling single mom, and the kid who played the kid did a very good job (I usually don't care much for child actors, but this kid is outstanding.)  Rian Wilson, writer/director, gets this story moving fast and doesn't care if you keep up.  This is an intelligent film with some crazy effects and powerful emotions.  Loved it.

John Carpenter and Kurt Russell.  They're awesome together.  Just look at the awesome that is Escape From New York.  Well, I didn't watch that (not recently, anyway) I watched Big Trouble In Little China.  A fun, occasionally ridiculous romp full of mysticism, ninjas, wizards and a long haul truck driver.  This was one of my favorite films from the 80's and thankfully it still holds up now that I'm entering my dotage.  Two things really stood out to me from this film.  Russell has always had a wonderful head of hair, and I'm always surprised when Kim Cattrall is fully clothed.  Oh, and practical effects are almost always better than CGI.  Suck on that Roland Emmerich.

Ya'll know I loves me some Quentin Tarantino.  I even like the stuff that other people think is his worst.  Yep, I liked Jackie Brown and Death Proof.  But today we're talking about Django Unchained.  Thank god my brainiac coworker hipped me to the proper pronunciation: Duh-jango.  Got it.  Thanks for that.  Later when I said "The Duh-jingos ate my baby" he didn't get that I was making fun of him.  ANYway, I get the feeling that if Tarantino somehow directed a narrative from a Chinese takeout menu, I would be enthralled.  Some directors just seem to speak my language.  Or I theirs, I suppose.  Whenever I'm two hours into a film but it feels like forty-five minutes, I know that the experience is good.  As one would expect from QT, great writing and direction, strong acting, offensive language, buckets of gore and good old fashioned revenge.  Yay!

Okay.  That's all I gots today, cool kids.

Laters.

My Spirit Animal

I once dated a semi-crazy girl and she told me that my spirit animal was a mole.

While I see her point, I can't agree with her opinion.  

So I asked my brother what he thought my spirit animal was.  He said a pot roast.

To be fair, I'm not sure he understood the question.

From time to time I tried to figure out what my spirit animal is but I never could quite figure it out.

Until tonight.  I'm sitting here eating my dinner (not a pot roast) while listening to Biz Markie and wondering if I want to keep watching Bleach or House of Cards when BLAM! out of nowhere I knew what/who my spirit animal is.

Eeyore.

Yeah.  I'm good with that.  Eeyore it is.